‘Tis the Season…
Of gift catalogs and holiday junk e-mail from places I haven’t ordered in years, (or ever)…Black Friday, Pre-Black Friday, Cyber Monday, every day in between until the week before Christmas and post-Christmas clearance (did Santa forget something?) sales…don’t forget the free shipping, upgraded shipping and yes, there’s still time! 25% off, 50% off, reduced prices, special offers and buy one get one free! Huge discounts…don’t fret! Start next year right with that credit card debt!
Spending lots of money we don’t really have or think twice, for those kids and adults both naughty and nice, inundated with gift-giving ideas, Santa’s elves, Santa’s lap, hanging up the stockings, with greedy wish lists of material things dancing round in their heads. Gift cards, greeting cards, photo cards, email cards all about! Sending holiday wishes the easy way out.
Of Christmas lights, fiber optic lights, LED lights, blinking lights, multi-colored lights, mini lights at 3-speeds, synchronized, indoor and outdoor, icicle, fiber optic and rope lights, incandescent net lights and trunk lights, Christmas tree lightings and storefront displays, all is wondrous and brightly lit, oh just wait till that next electric bill hits!
Of company holiday parties and open bars, bonus checks, Christmas vacations with pre- and post holiday stress! No one’s at work so I can’t get any of mine done until they’re back. Everyone’s frazzled with the season but I’ll be here (with my thumb up my butt) counting the days for everything to return to normal again.
To standing in line at the malls and post offices, those brown paper packages tied up with string, send it first class, priority, express mail, UPS or Fed-Ex – which way do they go?…Christmas wrap and ribbons, festive bags, boxes, stickers and bows…wrap it up, rip it off and just throw it away. Oh crap! It’s not what you wanted anyway.
Watching holiday shows and movies all month long, flipping the channels hoping something else is on.
Those Grinches and Scrooges with poor holiday spirit, a miserly “Bah Humbug” to Heat Meiser and Snow Meiser, Bumble, Marley and Professor Hinkle’s magic hat! Without them would those movies truly be as memorable?
To Santa Claus and his reindeer…On Jared’s, on Tiffany’s, on Zales, on DeBeers, and to all those poor schmucks proposing this year!
A Christmas Carol, Christmas on Ice, the Rockettes Spectacular, White Christmas, Nutcracker, Broadway in all its glittered glory…to Christmas parades as Santa waves on and those gawdy Christmas knit sweaters old ladies put on.
Fa la la la…Christmas music overplayed 24/7 from before Thanksgiving till ALL DAY ON CHRISTMAS, on all the radio stations you used to listen to. Singers rendition the same stale songs, in too many tired versions over and over and over – Mannheim Steamroller and Silent Night, please Santa, bring me an iPod this night!
Of holiday drinks at Starbucks: peppermint mocha, pumpkin spice, cinnamon, apple cider, white chocolate, gingerbread, hot chocolate, and Christmas Blend taste the season so sweet. Don’t forget the whipped cream on that decadent treat!
Bring the fruitcake and figgy pudding…gingerbread houses, candy canes, red and green-colored candies, cinnamon sticks, cranberries, chestnuts, mincemeat and egg nog, gift baskets with cheeses and wines, sugar cookies and rum cakes are what I adore, who cares if I gain 20 pounds and can’t get through the door!
Jingle bells and holly, to putting up decorations, then taking them down. Evergreens, balsams, spruces, firs and pines in a lot, stacks of dying trees to sell, then toss them away in the garbage to rot. (Or hopefully transformed into wood chips to help the environment.) Chimneys and ornaments and candles aglow, fireplaces, yule logs on DVD with fake Christmas snow!
Of Secret Santa and forced family time spent together, airline delays and traffic jams, obligations, guilt trips, nagging, nit-picking, bickering and overstayed welcomes. They can’t stand to be near…but for what it’s worth, I wish my family were here.
To Christmas and Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Year’s…to my horror, it will all happen again next year.
Merry Christmas, Joyous Noel, Merry X-mas, Seasons Greetings, Happy Holidays to all, and to all…don’t worry, by next week this too shall pass!